It's been a year . . . And

I still miss my grandparents tremendously! And it still hurts! When I sit and actually think about it I realize how MUCH I miss them - I can never look at their house or their garden without thinking of them, I can never plan a birthday party or a holiday celebration without thinking that they won't be around to share it. Let's just say that life this past year has not been quite so sweet - and yes - all because they are not here anymore. I know that life will take on a different kind of sweetness but the bitterness of their death has definately been intertwined into the fabric of my outlook on life this past year. I've been more fearful, brought to tears more often, more distant and maybe a little bit angry and hurt. More than anything I've had my own pitfalls this year in my health and my realization that we are mortal and our lives will end only in death (unless I'm one of those lucky raptured ones - that would be cool!). It's a reality that I've come to terms with this year - more than ever before due to my grandparents passing.

It's been one year ago that my grandma made her way to heaven. And she would probably tell you that it was the best day of her life - for us left behind the day was not so sweet. My emotions were mixed - I knew she was sick and that it was best if she went to be with Jesus but I also knew that she held a place in my heart that no one had ever held before. She was my grandma - she would have done anything for me - her love knew no bounds when it came to her grandkids - and she was one of my best friends.

My grandpa (not to be outdone - or left behind) made his way to heaven a few days later. He was the baffling one. We thought that he could recover and we would still have gramps around for a few more years. Apparently he had other plans - and a life on this planet without his sweetheart was no life for him. He was my strong place, my hero and he would do anything for me. There was never a moment that I ever doubted his love for me.

I long to sit and chat with grams while my children play at her feet.

My heart hurts that Rhett will not remember grammy JoJos and how she would squirt him in the face with her water bottle - he loved that!

I long to hear her giggle and taste her delicious apple crisp.

Sometimes I get this intense desire for a big, bear grandpa hug. I miss them! And I miss his smell!

I miss grandpas mischieviousness and how he could always make grams angry and then laugh.

His smile always lit up my heart - for he was happiest around his family.

Today it's been a year - and it still hurts! However, instead of a gaping hole in my heart that once belonged to my grandparents there is a patch. It's hard to explain because that spot is still tender and sore and easily bruised but it's no longer bleeding or burning with intense pain. It's beginning to be stitched - not back together - because nothing could ever take their place in my life but it's being patched - and that is how it will be from now until I see them again, and that is o.k. with me. I believe that a heart that is not patched in places is a heart that hasn't ever loved - and I would never want a perfect heart!

I miss you grams and gramps- so, so much!