My Grandpa (Gramps)

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010 -


It seems a little ironic that as I tearfully finish a memorial blog for my grandma I get a call from my dad saying that grandpa is close to meeting up with her in heaven. It seems that once we realized that they were getting old - which wasn't that long ago we had conversations that went something like this, "if one of them passes away the other one won't be that far behind". And it has happened just like we assumed it would. They had been married for 60 years and after that marital connection is broken I guess the heart "really" breaks. Grandpa went severly downhill last Monday (the day grandma passed away) and has refused to eat or drink much. His spirit is fighting to be with grandma and his body is slowly giving in. He's ready and as much as we selfishly want him to stay with us we know that it would be best for him to join grams in heaven. Oh she must be so excited right now - I'm sure she is so ready to here him talk again and enjoy the loving warmth of his hugs. They will have so much to talk about - I wish I could be there to witness it.


I can hopefully make it tonight to see him before he decides to leave. I was unable to say goodbye the way I wanted to grams and I hope that I can tell him that I love him one last time. He was special to me as well - it hurts all over again!!


Thursday, November 11th, 2010 -


I was able to go and sit with grandpa for a few hours on Tuesday night. I will never regret that decision! It was hard, very hard but I'm glad I did. Jeremy and I were fortunate enough to get a few minutes with him alone and it was special. I held his hand, watching his labored breathing and reminded myself of how strong he once was. He was my grandpa, my hero and in my eyes he could do anything! I told him that grandma was waiting for him and that it was o.k. to go and see her. Once my parents, aunt and sister arrived we sat there and talked about our favorite memories of grandpa. We had a few laughs and constantly talked to him like he could understand us (who knows - maybe he could). The hardest part of this was saying goodbye!! I was tempted to just get up and go - that would have been easier on my emotional state. However, I knew I would regret that. I stood up, I turned to look down into his sweet, handsome face that I have loved dearly all of my life and I told him how much I loved him, that I would miss him and to give grams a huge hug from me when he saw her. I hugged him three times, squeezed his hand, kissed his forehead twice, hesitantly left his room and cried all the way home. It hurts worse than before- two grandparents within two weeks is just not proper proticol for the grieving family members.


It is now Thursday and his body is still fighting to leave this earth. I've contimplated the idea of going back to see him again but I've already said goodbye once and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Do I really want to do that again? And do I really want to see him in worse condition?


Sunday, November 14th, 2010


Grandpa is hanging in there. His body is so strong and it's extremely sad that his mind isn't healthy because he could have had 5-10 more years left in him. His will to live we believe has been strengthened by the consistent presence of his daughters and family members who sit by his bedside. He has already had two attempts at slipping away only to restore his vitals when family arrives to bid him fairwell. What a determined, tough man he is!! I don't know whether he really knows what is happening - I wish I could talk to someone who has come out of dimensia but I know of no one. In that aspect it's been extremely difficult for my mom and her sister - just waiting!! no hope of him to survive more than a few days - waiting for the relief of death to take ahold of his earthly handicapped mind and transform it into the loving hands of his glorious heavenly father who is just waiting for him at the threshold - saying, "come home my son, come home to me, I need you here with me now, I have so much to show you and so much for you to do. Oh - and there is a baseball game in a few days and we need an extra player."

10:30 pm - Grandpa slips peacefully and willingly into the loving hands of his heavenly father - he never could resist a good baseball game. I knew this time would come and in the past few days I'll admit I was yearning for him to get to heaven  - however, getting the phone call and sensing that he is no longer on this earth hurts. The tears flow freely once again and I grieve for my loss, my grandpa, my hero and friend.

Friday, November 19th, 2010 -

Today we burried my grandpa, laid him to rest right next to grams. It was really weird being at the cemetary twice in a few weeks. The memorial service at the church was
 a perfect celebaration of his life. Josh Cremer played bluegrass on his fiddle (grandpa would have loved that) and Katie wrote and sang a song about my grandparents love story. It was perfect, titled "Come home". Their love story and life story is riddled with hardships and maybe someday I'll get the courage to write it - it would definately be a page turner. It was a great day to celebrate the life of my grandpa.

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010 -

The shock of my grandparents passing has subsiding and is replaced with gratitude that they lived a full complete life and set such a great example for their family. I have an ebbing saddness that fills my mind constantly and they are missed every moment. Life has a funny way of healing grief. With a calm, refreshing snow, with the smile and laughter of my children, with the relentless love of a husband who has been such a huge support and help, and with the joy that the holidays will bring. Life continues for us on earth!

I will conclude this blog with a few of my favorite memories of my grandpa.

I remember:
1) the way he smelled when he hugged me.
2) his love for mochas - much to grandma's dismay
3) his quiet, gentle spirit
4) his insane love and protectivenss for grandma
5) the way he would act when grandma asked him to do something that he necessarily didn't want to do.
6)him always taking me to get dairy queen blizzards or shaved ice
7) the way he always thought I was beautiful, no matter what size I was or how I cut my hair
8) his love for John Wayne movies and Louie Lamour books
9) his support for my sporting events. Even though I lived in Grangeville he would travel to see me play volleyball, basketball and softball. He kept this tradition alive and even came to one of Addie's T-ball games this past summer.
10)him stealing extra dessert and trying his best to not let grandma see

I'll cherish these memories forever and I look forward to playing some baseball with him in heaven. I love you so much grandpa and feel so fortunate to have had you in my life.


 

The Rose Beyond the Wall

Jeremy and I received a lot of different sympathy cards from friends and family, all of which we greatly appreciated. I have always loved poetry and enjoy reading the different sayings that adorn each card, some of them a little cheezy and others very profound and enlightning. This poem called "The Rose Beyond the Wall" was in a sympathy card that Jeremy's grandmother sent to us. I loved it - so much that I thought I needed to blog about it - just in case the card got lost somehow in the cleaning phase of everyday life.

"The Rose Beyond the Wall"

Near a shady wall a rose once grew,

Budded and blossomed

in God's free light.

Watered and fed by morning dew,

Shedding its sweetness day and night.

As it grew and blossomed fair and tall

Slowly rising to loftier height,

It came to a crevice in the wall,

Through which there shone

a beam of light.

Onward it crept with added strength,

With never a thought of fear or pride

it followed the light

through the crevice-length,

And unfolded itself on the other side.

The light, the dew, the broadening view,

Were found the same

as they were before;

And it lost itself in beauties new,

Breathing its fragrance more and more.

Shall claim of death

cause us to grieve,

And make our courage faint or fall?

Nay, let us faith and hope receive -

The rose still grows beyond the wall . . .

Scattering fragrance far and wide,

Just as it did in days of yore,

Just as it did on the other side,

Just as it will forevermore.

This poem was perfect for me. Perfect because it put a beautiful picture in my mind of where my grandma is and what she is doing. It also was perfect because it reminded me of something grandma would sent someone who was grieving. It sounded like her!!

Fall pictures

Every year about this time I love to walk the Greenbelt and get pictures of my kids. Last year Rhett was too small to enjoy the stroll but this year he LOVED it!! I can't even tell you how many times I yelled his name while on the walk. He would chase after ducks, follow dogs, skip up to the edge of the bank and stop and every time he would about give me a heart attack. He feel down more than 10 times while running and his nose ran consistently. But, that is the age that he is right now and I wouldn't trade him for anything. My favorite part of the walk was when he was feeding the ducks and they kept attacking the bad of bread in his hand. He thought that was hilarious! They would also get a little too eager and nip at his hands as well - he just laughed and laughed. What kind of kid laughs when a wild animal chases after them and bites them. Addie didn't like it at all! It was nice to be outside and enjoy the fall weather as well as just be with my kids. We all had fun!!

My Grandma (Grams)

Sunday, October 31st -

Where do I begin? As I sit here writing this post with tears in my eyes one of my most precious family members is battling for her life and may not last more than a few days. I consider myself a practical person and realize that death will come to us all and was well aware of the fact that as grandma's health was failing she was slipping further and further away from us. And yet - as much as I would love to see her suffering end I selfishly want to cling on to her a little longer because not seeing her again on this earth hurts my heart deeply. She's my grandma and she was special - one of the most special people in my life.

Grandma and I have always shared a special bond while I was growing up that continued on into my adult life. She would listen to my rants and complaints and rather than preach at me she would listen and sometimes agree and for that reason we could talk for hours. I always knew she was proud of me and my accomplishments, she was the one that got me into poetry and English literature. She would always buy anything I was selling. She loved all of my friends and willingly accepted them into her home. She baked the best apple crisp, the best baked apple doughnuts and the best green beans. She had an insane love for teddy bears and books and cozy warm blankets - all of which I love as well. She is special - oh so special!!


November 1st, 2010 -

She went to dance with Jesus today. So soon? so soon? I wanted to stand by her bedside one last time and thank her for playing a huge role in my life. I wanted to squeeze her hand and tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to recap memories that I've had with her and have a few last laughs. It wasn't that long ago that I sat and chatted with her - it all happened so fast! Too fast! This is my first real experience with this kind of grief - I was really close to my grandma, she was one of my best friends. Oh how I'm going to miss her :( It hurts!

November 5th, 2010 -

Grams' funeral and burial service. The burial service was held with just a few family members. It was small, it was quaint and it was just what grandma would have wanted. The memorial service was amazing - it was great to celebrate her life and see all of those that her life had touched. She was special to many people. I don't think I've ever cried this much in my life. It still hurts!

November 6th, 2010 -

Went over to Grams' house (my aunt and uncle are living there now) and went through some of her things. She gave me all of her books (she knew me soooo well), the desk that I always loved, the Thomas Kinkaide picture above her piano, and the old, antique family bible. As hard as it was to go through her things and give them away it was healing in a way to be able to bring something that belonged to her home with me. I was also able to get a few pieces of her clothing (my grandma had style!) and was grateful until I came home and put them away in my closet. They smelled of her and I cried and cried! I miss her hugs and her smell - it still hurts!

November 9th, 2010 -

It's been a week now since she went to be with Jesus. It still hurts but the tears don't come as often or as easy. Grief is a strange thing and I am so grateful for the promise of heaven so that the grief here on earth is not forever. I know I will see grams again and she will love showing me all of the flower gardens in heaven and if there are animals I'm sure she has named them all. She probably has a special place where she sits and worships and patiently waits for grandpa to join her, it won't be long!

Grandma and I were similar in many ways. She would always say that we were the most alike. We loved so many of the same things and we connected on a level that was hard to describe. It was just easy and free, without condemnation. We were close and I loved that! I loved spending time at her house - it was safe and comfortable and cozy. I could go on and on and on but I'm going to end this post with a few of my favorite memories of her - I don't want to ever forget them and time has a funny way of messing up that part of your brain sometimes. I'm so thankful for the written word and remembering!!

A few favorite memories:
1) her absolutely gorgeous flower gardens. English roses will always remind me of her, and snapdragons.
2) dill pickles and Club crackers (not together but something she always had in her house)
3) picnics under the tree with tuna fish sandwiches
4) candles burning
5) late nights with my college friends at her house
6) her and grandpa traveling to Grangeville to babysit my sis and I or see my volleyball games
7) playing spoons and ten up ten down on her dining room table
8) architecture magazines by the toilet in the bathroom
9) the smell of her house and her sheets
10) her giggles
11) the way she played on the carpet with my kids
12) the way her and grandpa would tease each other
13) Heritage Reflections and Greenhurst nursery trips (her two favorite places)
14) teddy bears and books
15) childhood games of Bingo and Yatzhee
16) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the Parent Trap and Sound of Music
17) Going shopping at Coldwater Creek to get her some new clothes
18) sitting with her in the family room of her home and just talking and talking and talking . . .
19) her love for naming things. Anything from the creatures in her yard or the stuffed teddy bears that surrounded every room in her house.
20) the time she cured me of strep throat by giving me triple doses of vitamin C
21) the slip n slide in her backyard
22) roasting marshmellows on their back porch
23) the large fake deer that they had in their backyard that we would always climb on
24) for every Christmas she would give us a teddy bear and a calendar and we never let her give that up, even when we grew up
25) the way that my kids called her grammy JoJos. So sweet!!
26) most importantly her steadfast faith in God and her loving devotion to her family. I knew she was praying for me everyday and I felt safer knowing that.

Thanks so much for giving me a loving, godly example to follow grams. I love you so much and will always yearn for your presence. I will miss you terribly and look forward to the day when I'm ushered into heaven and I see your twinkling eyes and your shining face. I can already see you jumping up and down, covering your mouth with giggles (you were used to doing that, even when you didn't have the cancer) and saying, "hurray, you made it KJ, let me show you around" and giving me a big hug. I'm excited for that day and heaven is now an even better place because you're there.

Grams favorite bible verse:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Halloween 2010

Halloween is a fun time for us - I love to get the children dressed up in costumes. This year Addison had decided to be Strawberry Shortcake and Rhett was a Tiger. We began our Halloween festivities with the Harvest Party at our church (Rhett was not in attendance due to a fever). Then on Saturday night we went to my Grandma's house (the last time we saw her before she passed away) and showed Grammy JoJo and my parents my kids dressed up in their costumes. We then made our way to Jeremy's parents house where we sat and chatted for awhile and showed off the costumes. Then on Sunday evening we went over to Jesse and Jeni's house and trick or treated around their neighborhood with them. The kids made a haul and it was a lovely evening. I was glad that we spread Halloween out this year so that the kids were able to make adequate

use of their costumes.

A fun fall day

Discovery Center

A few weeks ago we were fortunate enough to spend a day full of fun fall activites. The first thing we did was make our way to the Discovery Center in Boise to take advantage of their "free" admission. We were able to meet up with some of our church friends there and we had a great time exploring all of the fun actvities that the Discovery Center had to offer.

The second thing we did was go and visit one of my bestest friends and her new baby. Rhett was able to play with his new friend Alex and they had a great time on the blow-up bounce house. It was so nice to see them and catch up on all of the crazy things that are happening in our lives.

Alex and Rhett

Me and Jamilyn

The final thing that capped off our busy day was our annual pumpkin carving contest. We began this tradition when Jeremy's parents moved to Nampa about seven years ago. We've been doing it ever since and look forward to it each year. We meet at Primo's for dinner then we go to my in-laws and carve pumpkins. This year the theme was superheros and so Jeremy and I decided to do a batman theme - and who would have guessed that we would come out of it $50 richer because we won first place. It was a great way to end a fun day.

our first place pumpkin

The kids got to paint their own pumpkins!