My Grandpa (Gramps)

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010 -


It seems a little ironic that as I tearfully finish a memorial blog for my grandma I get a call from my dad saying that grandpa is close to meeting up with her in heaven. It seems that once we realized that they were getting old - which wasn't that long ago we had conversations that went something like this, "if one of them passes away the other one won't be that far behind". And it has happened just like we assumed it would. They had been married for 60 years and after that marital connection is broken I guess the heart "really" breaks. Grandpa went severly downhill last Monday (the day grandma passed away) and has refused to eat or drink much. His spirit is fighting to be with grandma and his body is slowly giving in. He's ready and as much as we selfishly want him to stay with us we know that it would be best for him to join grams in heaven. Oh she must be so excited right now - I'm sure she is so ready to here him talk again and enjoy the loving warmth of his hugs. They will have so much to talk about - I wish I could be there to witness it.


I can hopefully make it tonight to see him before he decides to leave. I was unable to say goodbye the way I wanted to grams and I hope that I can tell him that I love him one last time. He was special to me as well - it hurts all over again!!


Thursday, November 11th, 2010 -


I was able to go and sit with grandpa for a few hours on Tuesday night. I will never regret that decision! It was hard, very hard but I'm glad I did. Jeremy and I were fortunate enough to get a few minutes with him alone and it was special. I held his hand, watching his labored breathing and reminded myself of how strong he once was. He was my grandpa, my hero and in my eyes he could do anything! I told him that grandma was waiting for him and that it was o.k. to go and see her. Once my parents, aunt and sister arrived we sat there and talked about our favorite memories of grandpa. We had a few laughs and constantly talked to him like he could understand us (who knows - maybe he could). The hardest part of this was saying goodbye!! I was tempted to just get up and go - that would have been easier on my emotional state. However, I knew I would regret that. I stood up, I turned to look down into his sweet, handsome face that I have loved dearly all of my life and I told him how much I loved him, that I would miss him and to give grams a huge hug from me when he saw her. I hugged him three times, squeezed his hand, kissed his forehead twice, hesitantly left his room and cried all the way home. It hurts worse than before- two grandparents within two weeks is just not proper proticol for the grieving family members.


It is now Thursday and his body is still fighting to leave this earth. I've contimplated the idea of going back to see him again but I've already said goodbye once and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Do I really want to do that again? And do I really want to see him in worse condition?


Sunday, November 14th, 2010


Grandpa is hanging in there. His body is so strong and it's extremely sad that his mind isn't healthy because he could have had 5-10 more years left in him. His will to live we believe has been strengthened by the consistent presence of his daughters and family members who sit by his bedside. He has already had two attempts at slipping away only to restore his vitals when family arrives to bid him fairwell. What a determined, tough man he is!! I don't know whether he really knows what is happening - I wish I could talk to someone who has come out of dimensia but I know of no one. In that aspect it's been extremely difficult for my mom and her sister - just waiting!! no hope of him to survive more than a few days - waiting for the relief of death to take ahold of his earthly handicapped mind and transform it into the loving hands of his glorious heavenly father who is just waiting for him at the threshold - saying, "come home my son, come home to me, I need you here with me now, I have so much to show you and so much for you to do. Oh - and there is a baseball game in a few days and we need an extra player."

10:30 pm - Grandpa slips peacefully and willingly into the loving hands of his heavenly father - he never could resist a good baseball game. I knew this time would come and in the past few days I'll admit I was yearning for him to get to heaven  - however, getting the phone call and sensing that he is no longer on this earth hurts. The tears flow freely once again and I grieve for my loss, my grandpa, my hero and friend.

Friday, November 19th, 2010 -

Today we burried my grandpa, laid him to rest right next to grams. It was really weird being at the cemetary twice in a few weeks. The memorial service at the church was
 a perfect celebaration of his life. Josh Cremer played bluegrass on his fiddle (grandpa would have loved that) and Katie wrote and sang a song about my grandparents love story. It was perfect, titled "Come home". Their love story and life story is riddled with hardships and maybe someday I'll get the courage to write it - it would definately be a page turner. It was a great day to celebrate the life of my grandpa.

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010 -

The shock of my grandparents passing has subsiding and is replaced with gratitude that they lived a full complete life and set such a great example for their family. I have an ebbing saddness that fills my mind constantly and they are missed every moment. Life has a funny way of healing grief. With a calm, refreshing snow, with the smile and laughter of my children, with the relentless love of a husband who has been such a huge support and help, and with the joy that the holidays will bring. Life continues for us on earth!

I will conclude this blog with a few of my favorite memories of my grandpa.

I remember:
1) the way he smelled when he hugged me.
2) his love for mochas - much to grandma's dismay
3) his quiet, gentle spirit
4) his insane love and protectivenss for grandma
5) the way he would act when grandma asked him to do something that he necessarily didn't want to do.
6)him always taking me to get dairy queen blizzards or shaved ice
7) the way he always thought I was beautiful, no matter what size I was or how I cut my hair
8) his love for John Wayne movies and Louie Lamour books
9) his support for my sporting events. Even though I lived in Grangeville he would travel to see me play volleyball, basketball and softball. He kept this tradition alive and even came to one of Addie's T-ball games this past summer.
10)him stealing extra dessert and trying his best to not let grandma see

I'll cherish these memories forever and I look forward to playing some baseball with him in heaven. I love you so much grandpa and feel so fortunate to have had you in my life.