My Grandma (Grams)

Sunday, October 31st -

Where do I begin? As I sit here writing this post with tears in my eyes one of my most precious family members is battling for her life and may not last more than a few days. I consider myself a practical person and realize that death will come to us all and was well aware of the fact that as grandma's health was failing she was slipping further and further away from us. And yet - as much as I would love to see her suffering end I selfishly want to cling on to her a little longer because not seeing her again on this earth hurts my heart deeply. She's my grandma and she was special - one of the most special people in my life.

Grandma and I have always shared a special bond while I was growing up that continued on into my adult life. She would listen to my rants and complaints and rather than preach at me she would listen and sometimes agree and for that reason we could talk for hours. I always knew she was proud of me and my accomplishments, she was the one that got me into poetry and English literature. She would always buy anything I was selling. She loved all of my friends and willingly accepted them into her home. She baked the best apple crisp, the best baked apple doughnuts and the best green beans. She had an insane love for teddy bears and books and cozy warm blankets - all of which I love as well. She is special - oh so special!!


November 1st, 2010 -

She went to dance with Jesus today. So soon? so soon? I wanted to stand by her bedside one last time and thank her for playing a huge role in my life. I wanted to squeeze her hand and tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to recap memories that I've had with her and have a few last laughs. It wasn't that long ago that I sat and chatted with her - it all happened so fast! Too fast! This is my first real experience with this kind of grief - I was really close to my grandma, she was one of my best friends. Oh how I'm going to miss her :( It hurts!

November 5th, 2010 -

Grams' funeral and burial service. The burial service was held with just a few family members. It was small, it was quaint and it was just what grandma would have wanted. The memorial service was amazing - it was great to celebrate her life and see all of those that her life had touched. She was special to many people. I don't think I've ever cried this much in my life. It still hurts!

November 6th, 2010 -

Went over to Grams' house (my aunt and uncle are living there now) and went through some of her things. She gave me all of her books (she knew me soooo well), the desk that I always loved, the Thomas Kinkaide picture above her piano, and the old, antique family bible. As hard as it was to go through her things and give them away it was healing in a way to be able to bring something that belonged to her home with me. I was also able to get a few pieces of her clothing (my grandma had style!) and was grateful until I came home and put them away in my closet. They smelled of her and I cried and cried! I miss her hugs and her smell - it still hurts!

November 9th, 2010 -

It's been a week now since she went to be with Jesus. It still hurts but the tears don't come as often or as easy. Grief is a strange thing and I am so grateful for the promise of heaven so that the grief here on earth is not forever. I know I will see grams again and she will love showing me all of the flower gardens in heaven and if there are animals I'm sure she has named them all. She probably has a special place where she sits and worships and patiently waits for grandpa to join her, it won't be long!

Grandma and I were similar in many ways. She would always say that we were the most alike. We loved so many of the same things and we connected on a level that was hard to describe. It was just easy and free, without condemnation. We were close and I loved that! I loved spending time at her house - it was safe and comfortable and cozy. I could go on and on and on but I'm going to end this post with a few of my favorite memories of her - I don't want to ever forget them and time has a funny way of messing up that part of your brain sometimes. I'm so thankful for the written word and remembering!!

A few favorite memories:
1) her absolutely gorgeous flower gardens. English roses will always remind me of her, and snapdragons.
2) dill pickles and Club crackers (not together but something she always had in her house)
3) picnics under the tree with tuna fish sandwiches
4) candles burning
5) late nights with my college friends at her house
6) her and grandpa traveling to Grangeville to babysit my sis and I or see my volleyball games
7) playing spoons and ten up ten down on her dining room table
8) architecture magazines by the toilet in the bathroom
9) the smell of her house and her sheets
10) her giggles
11) the way she played on the carpet with my kids
12) the way her and grandpa would tease each other
13) Heritage Reflections and Greenhurst nursery trips (her two favorite places)
14) teddy bears and books
15) childhood games of Bingo and Yatzhee
16) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the Parent Trap and Sound of Music
17) Going shopping at Coldwater Creek to get her some new clothes
18) sitting with her in the family room of her home and just talking and talking and talking . . .
19) her love for naming things. Anything from the creatures in her yard or the stuffed teddy bears that surrounded every room in her house.
20) the time she cured me of strep throat by giving me triple doses of vitamin C
21) the slip n slide in her backyard
22) roasting marshmellows on their back porch
23) the large fake deer that they had in their backyard that we would always climb on
24) for every Christmas she would give us a teddy bear and a calendar and we never let her give that up, even when we grew up
25) the way that my kids called her grammy JoJos. So sweet!!
26) most importantly her steadfast faith in God and her loving devotion to her family. I knew she was praying for me everyday and I felt safer knowing that.

Thanks so much for giving me a loving, godly example to follow grams. I love you so much and will always yearn for your presence. I will miss you terribly and look forward to the day when I'm ushered into heaven and I see your twinkling eyes and your shining face. I can already see you jumping up and down, covering your mouth with giggles (you were used to doing that, even when you didn't have the cancer) and saying, "hurray, you made it KJ, let me show you around" and giving me a big hug. I'm excited for that day and heaven is now an even better place because you're there.

Grams favorite bible verse:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6