Church

I've always gone - to church I mean, even when my dad was not a pastor - he was heavily involved in teaching sunday school and had a great group of friends in which our families hung out all the time.

Then he became a pastor and our life changed - we moved - which proved to be a challenge as well as an adventure. Going to church continued - only this time I was "the pastor's daughter" and not just a kid at church. It didn't take much getting used to because I was used to church - I was just there a lot more often than before and being a kid that was just the way it was and I got used to it - it became the norm and it was fine. It's become a deep color in the fabric of my life - a color that you just couldn't wash out - it's stuck there - it's part of me - of who I am! So - don't blame me too much when church (especially "my" church) may get a bad rap and I get a little defensive - just saying.

I have my issues with church - who doesn't? It's not perfect (surprise! surprise!) - because the people are the church and we aren't perfect - just saved - by grace - sometimes again, and again, and again, and again. And that is what makes it great! Church should be a safe haven where we can hear the word of God preached truthfully and worship together as a family regardless of what we think of each other, the music, the pastor, the lady sitting a few rows down who is wearing a tight-fitting, figure-showing dress (who does she think she is? - this is church?) - we all know that attitude (don't fool yourself!). We don't come to church for each other - we come to worship and grow. I need to remember this myself every time I change 5 times before church or worry that my hair isn't perfect or that my nails aren't painted - it's not about me at all! My reason for coming to church needs to change - you see growing up in the church I became a little "immune" if you will to the "God-ness" of it all - it lost it's luster (but did it really have any due to the fact that since I was born I graced the halls of a church almost every Sunday). It's like if you grew up wealthy  - you wouldn't appreciate the $1000.00 dollar shoes that your mom bought you for your birthday - in fact you may just give a faint "thanks" as you wonder why she didn't buy you the $3000.00 designer ones. You can't blame that person - they know no different! It's part of who they have been and who they are.

What's even crazier is that taking church and God for granted has far graver consequences than throwing out a $1000.00 pair of shoes. The best love story of all time has been at my fingertips every Sunday and I have failed to fully grasp the awesomeness of it all - because I've heard it so often. Over and over and over and over again. I need to understand it's power more clearly and more passionately in order to fully become the witness that I need to be to others.

I guess my point is - I need to dig out this fabric line in my life and make it the main color of who I am. I want it to be the hue from which every other fabric get's it's color. It's there - it's always been there - a deep, royal purple color I think - but it's just been hidden by the reds of the world (music, movies, fads, etc . . .), the blues of self-pity, depression, unworthiness, the yellows of stubborness, self-righteousness and being fake, the oranges of worry and fear and the greens of jealousy.

So - in order to do this I need to find my foundation and my fabric color in only one place - NO - not church! - - - The Bible! - - -. I guess I did learn something in all my years of warming a pew growing up. And from my parents of course :) I DO know where to find the answers to change my perception of church and why I come each Sunday. I want my main goal on Sundays to be that I came to church to worship and learn (whether or not the drums are on beat or pastor is gone for a vacation). I want my children to see joy in my desire to go to church on Sunday, I want to forgive those that do me wrong in the church, I want to be actively involved and learn to accept dissapointment and not just seek another place of worship because "my" current church does not offer "ME" what I want! (sound selfish much?).


There are so many things that "I" want in my church. I want people to be more involved (the more people involved the less we all have to do - genius I know!), I want better equipment for the music team, I want a better sign for our church, I want a day care program, I want more people to come, I want people to be on fire for God, I want people to quit belly-aching about the small stuff and enjoy church and the true reason for why you should come, I want, I want, I want - the list is endless (yes - and selfish!) I will be the first one to admit that I judge way too often, become defensive way too quickly, become angry at injustice and stupid people (yes -  I just did say that).

I'm imperfect - I go to an imperfect church - with other imperfect people - but I serve a perfect God - and he meets me at church every Sunday - and offers me a life full of royal purpulishness. - as as I walk in the front doors on Sunday mornings the only "want" I need to have is the "want" for HIM -that's what matters most!

(And in the meantime - throughout the week - I'm studying the book of John - and I'm learning to love it.)

What are your thoughts on church?