Ugh . . . .

Do you ever feel like you life is just bleh . . . . . . I mean - you go about your normal daily routine, have a few laughs, do a few loads of laundry, enjoy maybe a cup of coffee here, a few chapters in a good book there and at the end of the day you reflect and wonder - what in the world did I actually do today and what in the world did it matter to anyone - even myself. Sometimes it seems meaningless, mundane, routine, and just plain boring. I didn't keep a kid from starving in Africa, I didn't change the world by going the speed limit to the store, I didn't drop 7 pounds by running 1 mile, I didn't attempt to encourage, uplift, or tell someone that I really, truly love them, I didn't call up the person who maybe just needed to talk - just because.


The day revolves around my family - mostly my children. They are my world and I find that rarely I tend to let anyone else a spot on our busy schedule. I am one-tract minded and just don't realize the opportunities and blessings I could have if I would just let down my guard and enjoyed life a little better. People may think I'm laid back and to a certain degree I am but if they could catch a glimpse of what was going through my brain 24/7 they would not see anything laid back about it - constantly thinking of what I have to do and when it needs to be done and who I have to see and where I need to go, and, and, and, and . . . . it's neverending and exhausting. I have always enjoyed a full plate - a busy schedule. I love to go places and do things and go, go, go. That is my comfort zone if you can call it that. Crazy huh? Apparently that is the make-up of who I am and lately I've been getting a little stressed about the things that I have going on in my days. They are meaningless the majority of the time.

 I find myself thinking about the prairie days and of their monthly trips to town to get supplies and groceries, their sincere daily prayers of thanksgiving for what God provides and their heartfelt pleas for peace and safety throughout the day. I find myself envious of them - they had more chores to do and couldn't take the easy way out with our modern techonological convienences but instead found their peace in a stroll through the woods or the wheat fields - or a day of play at the creek or pond with their children, an afternoon spent with a friend sipping tea and eating cakes, or an evening around the fireplace reading bible stories and singing songs. And to say that they had it rough - - - did they? really? I believe whole-heartedly that they were more intune to God and more dependent upon him to supply their needs. They were friendlier, more polite, more reverant and respectful, more willing to lay down their daily tasks to help a neighbor or a friend in need. As I look around today I don't see much of that anymore - apart from the please and thank yous and the occasional meals that are brought to a neighbor or friend. It's sad - and I find myself thinking and wishing that if only I would have lived back then I would have been closer to God. Yes, the hardships were greater but God was more vibrant and real and so were the people. I would like to think that if given the choice I would have chosen a shorter life with deeper relationships and a keener sense of who God is and how he provides. 

 Unfortunately there is not much we can do to remedy this situation in our society. Maybe that is why I long for the country so badly, that maybe out there I can find a little peace from today's world. But - because I live in the here and now that should not stop me from making the most of it right? I need to buck up and be who God wants me to be here and now - in this house, in this town, with my family and the friends and neighbors that I do have.

I need to have a once a week meditation session where I just breathe, empty my mind and just "be". Be thankful, greatful and feel blessed! Even if it has to be in the bathroom with the door locked and earmuffs on to muffle the frantic "mommy" screams outside the door.

(This is a post of randomness - just thoughts compiled to together - one thing leading to another)